![]() ![]() ![]() It was said that if you went to the room in question and waited for five hours then, assuming your power-supply didn't overheat and melt your Commodore Bastard, an actual yacht would crash through the wall of your bedroom and take you away to a desert island where you would be able to drink beer and have naked girls do things to you. One of the rooms "The Yacht" became the subject of a playground rumour. This last room caused a great deal of confusion amongst gamers who had no idea what Matthew Smith meant, however we now all know that it refers to performing a Quirkafleeg. These included "The Bathroom", "The Other Bathroom", "Where I Wet Myself" and "We Must Perform An Act of Lying Down in the Presence of Dead Furry Animals". Jet Set Willy is remembered fondly by British and European people (mostly men) who were in their youth back in the day and one of the reasons for this is the memorable and fun rooms that Willy had to explore and rescue bottles from. Unrealistically, Willy could jump very high consistently and made a strange noise as he did so realistically, though, if he fell too far he would die and make a loud "squeak" noise although the player was spared the sight of Willy's body bursting on impact.įor those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Jet Set Willy. Such things were commonly required of game-players in Thatcher's Britain but thanks to Tony Blair and New Labour everyone is soft now and expects to be able to complete a game just by moving the controller around, that's if they don't just get the State to do it for them. Fuck Bioshock.Ĭollecting the "bottles" (which glow in rainbow colours, just like the real thing) requires a great deal of skill and patience from the player. This is actually quite a dark game, come to think of it. This rather demented state of affairs has never been explained and so it's probably a situation not unlike that seen in the classic film The Servant where a domineering servant lords it over his weak "master". What's completely absurd is that the person ordering him to clean up is his employee, Maria, who is supposed to be a housekeeper. This racist character, called Minor Willy, needs to clean-up his enormous mansion house because he had a mad party in it the previous night and his friends left empty bottles everywhere (although many of these "bottles" are actually oranges, bits of ice and triangle-things). Once that's all been done with the player must then play Jet Set Willy which involves controlling a small group of pixels which, in 1984, resembled a small white man in a white top hat. The player takes control of Willy and has to guide him around the house in order to satisfy Maria. ![]() That's it Willy, make sure you tidy-up those taps left-over from your wild party! It's because of Matthew Smith that all those Mario games you like so much don't just feature that stupid fat plumber jumping around one bloody room like a fucking idiot. But he put that idea to one side and forgot about it (which was good, because it involved genocide) and instead had another crazy idea - why not have a platform game where, when the little man walked off the edge of the screen, he ended up in a whole new screen? This ground-splitting innovation was called "flick-screen" and is the type of game found today, like Modern Warfare 2: pwn teh n00bs. At first, he was just going to copy the classic screen-by-screen platforming action of Manic Minor but, after taking a drug, he had a crazy idea. Smith had already become the island of Britain's richest man through the success of his previous game, Manic Minor, and his incredible greed for even more pieces of coloured paper with the Queen on them looking serious lead to his writing a sequel, which you've probably guessed was called Hnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnggghhh (no, I'm only kidding, it was called Jet Set Willy). Jet Set Willy (or JSW for lazy cunts) was programmed by Matthew Smith, a teenager from Europe with extraordinary hair and even more extraordinary eyes. ![]()
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